Developing an attitude of appreciation, part 2

After taking one of our daughters out to breakfast recently, the Englishman returned home puzzled by a confession that she had made.  "She says that she doesn't love her sister," he commented.  My heart sank, and I wondered where things had gone wrong.  What is a parent to do with a confession like this?

Some would say just to ignore it since it could just work itself out eventually.  Others would shrug their shoulders and go on their way.  And still others might lay out all of the arguments to why it is important to love your sister.  We believe it is our job as parents to teach our children how to love and build healthy relationships.  The best environment to begin to do this is in the home.  But only God can change a heart, so we pray.

God answered our prayer by providing a marriage seminar last weekend that reminded us of helpful tools to change negative patterns of thinking into positive ones.  They handed out a piece of paper with three columns of  adjective words to use in expressing appreciation for someone.  So as we sat down to dinner that night, we tried it out.

If every person around the dinner table shares one thing that they appreciate about the other individuals sitting around the dinner table for several days in a row, what will the outcome be?  It took a few minutes for everyone to choose their words.  But gradually we made our way around the table...

I appreciate when you play fairies with me.
I appreciate when you help me.
I appreciate his laugh.

I appreciate that you shared the last yogurt with me.
I appreciate your creativity.
I appreciate that he says 'please' and 'thank you.'

After only three days of these words of appreciation we have had more hugs, smiles, and laughter all around than any other days in the past two weeks.  We have found that what the counselor said was true, "You find what you are looking for in the other person.  If you are looking for negative things, then you will be sure to find them.  If you are looking for positive things, then you are sure to find them as well.  It's not that the person has changed, you just found what you were looking for."

The apostle Paul instructs us on how to build unity as well.  He writes to the church in Phillipi, "I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.  Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel...Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you." (Phil. 4:2-9)


Thank you, God, for guiding us in cultivating an attitude of appreciation in our family.  May it be to your praise and glory.

Developing an attitude of appreciation, part 1

Like most children, as a young child I could be an "expert" grumbler.  I grumbled about whether my brother was doing what I wanted him to do.  I grumbled about whether I was hungry, tired, or just plain bored.  I whined about things that I couldn't have, activities that I couldn't participate in or disappointments that I didn't know how to handle.  It just seemed to come naturally, this complaining spirit.    

I'm sure there were many days when my mom would like to have worn a shirt with the words "No Whining or Complaining" in large print for me to take notice.  Ever wonder why this form of communication characterizes us as human beings so much of the time?  No child has ever had to take a class on grumbling or ingratitude.

Well, a grumbling and complaining spirit is actually a symptom of something deeper and much more serious in us.  It is a symptom of a lack of trust in God to truly satisfy the needs of our heart.  Since we don't believe that God will really come through for us the way that we need Him to, it becomes imperative in our mind to insist that the people around us play "God" in our life.  Because we do expect our complaining to get us somewhere.

When I complained to my mom it wasn't because my needs were not real or legitimate. It was okay for me to express them.  But it is essential to our well-being to understand that other people are not always able to meet the needs that we have.  Only God can be who we need Him to be 100% of the time.  He may not measure up to our expectations 100% of the time, but He is committed to giving us what we truly need as our Heavenly Father.  Since we can trust His committment (the shed blood of Jesus on the cross) to our well-being, there is no need for grumbling.  He will give us just what we need, right when we need it.  We can count on it.

Understanding this is the first step to developing an attitude of appreciation. So, mom, this mother's day I apologize for all the times that I expected you to be God in my life.  I know now that God was right there all along, waiting for me to believe that He could handle anything that threatened to knock me down.  Thank you for being the sacrificial example of Jesus's love in our home.  I pray that I will exhibit this in my home as well. And I pray that my children will know where to look to have their needs met.     

The Hunger Games

Poingantly written, The Hunger Games, targets an audience who identify with the lead character’s struggle to survive.  The young people mainly drawn into this genre are also fighting for their identity, fighting against a sense of hopelessness, and fighting for autonomy.  Many young people today are outraged at being treated as pawns in a game won only by a controlling government and large corporations.

 

The author, Suzanne Collins, points to integrity, courage and the development of strong allies as the means by which to overcome the ails of the overpowering culture in the Capitol of Panem.   This is presented as the path of hope.

The Hunger Games identifies a very real hunger that many of the contestants face while subtly stirring the hunger for something more from life in the reader, which begs the question, “What are you hungry for?”

Looking below the surface, you’ll find that we are all hungry for wrongs to be made right.  We are looking for the hunger in our souls to be satisfied.  Many of us have days, weeks, months or even years where it seems that no matter what we do, we are left feeling “Hollow.”  What we may not realize is that the “hollow” can only be satisfied by our Creator.  He created us to need Him.  He is the only One who can take the ache away and give us a Hope that is guaranteed.

The Hope that our Creator offers is the Hope of Jesus.  He is the One who lived a completely perfect life and died on a cross so that we could escape the corruption caused by wickedness and death.  When we put our trust in Jesus to pay for the evil in our own hearts and the evil of the entire world, we become citizens of a heavenly kingdom.  We are no longer bound by the rules of this world. The heavenly kingdom is free from all of the things we so desperately want to change today.  It is a kingdom where everything is made new, and will remain that way for the rest of eternity.

You may feel small and helpless in your present situation.  But Jesus says, “I am the bread of life.  He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35)  This is the spiritual reality for all those who put their trust in Jesus.  He goes on to explain, “For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:40) I urge you to choose Jesus today.  You do not know how many days have been given to you to make your choice.  You will find that following Jesus brings true satisfaction!        

The Mind of Christ

I am so thankful for the hymns of saints who have gone before which can aid in prayer.  Today I came across these encouraging words which spur me on...

May the mind of Christ, my Savior, live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling all I do and say.


May the Word of God dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph only through His power.


May the peace of God, my Father, rule my life in everything,
That I may be calm to comfort sick and sorrowing.


May the love of Jesus fill me, as the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing (humbled) - this is victory.


May I run the race before me, strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus as I onward go.


May His beauty rest upon me as I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel, seeing only Him.


The words of this hymn were written by a person whose name I am unfamiliar with, and I imagine with most.  Her name is Kate B. Wilkinson who lived from 1859-1928.  But here lies testimony of a prayer she prayed to her Lord, and it is still impacting the next generation.

"Lord, may I have the mind of Christ my Savior as well."

"The Day's Draft"

Like a fresh blanket of newly fallen snow the new day lies waiting for the imprint of a footstep, each imprint shaping the direction of the day.  My day's draft (downloaded from Ann Voskamp's online journal www.aholyexperience.com) lies in front of me fresh, new...untouched.  But by God's grace this is the tool that will help set my sights on New Horizons this year.

So I ask the Lord for the enablement of His Spirit, the power which enables us to live a life of holiness. The Holy Spirit is the only One who bears fruit in us to leave the old behind and to make His imprints.

Here...at the beginning of the day (usually after breakfast, since little tummies don't often wait) I look at the days drafts and start with "The Definites."  The definites include:  Scripture memory, exercise, food log, water intake and one relationship focus.  Colossians is the book set aside for my meditation this year.  So I write down Colossians 2:1-2.  Then record what I've eaten on the blank space on the back side of "The Day's Draft", and check off one glass of water.  Each day of the week is dedicated to praying for a different member of my family for the relationship focus.  "The Definites" for the day have now been addressed as first priority.

Then, it's over to the day's "Dire" or urgent.  Today the urgent things are vacuuming the floors, cleaning bathrooms and making sure that the big girl's lessons get finished.  After that, attention is given to the day's menu, the daily tasks, other domestic chores, the ongoing "to-do" list, the schedule of the day and in the middle of the page "The Doxology."  The "Doxology" keeps praising and thanking God a habit throughout the day.  It reminds me that everything in this day is for Him.

Being a mother of young children, the day usually takes shape around meal and bedtime routines:

7am Breakfast
        Family worship time

8:30am Morning Chores

9am  Lessons Begin

11:30am   Lunch
                Rest time

1:30pm  Finish whatever lessons remain

3pm  Outdoor exercise or playtime

4pm   Dinner preparation

5:30pm  Dinner
              Baths
              Storytime
              Songs and sleep

7:30pm  Evening chores

Unwind

10p. Mom's bedtime

This is the skeleton schedule around which everything else falls into place.  Charlotte Mason would refer to this as the "rails" which have been laid down for our family routine. Friday through Sunday have their own routines since they are not lesson days.

All of "The Definites" on the Day's Draft are New Horizons for me this year.  I've memorized Scripture before, but never an entire book.  The Samaritan's Purse Prayerpoints is another tool that has been incorporated to continue to cultivate a more global perspective in prayer.  Reading the weekly articles to my children will prayerfully enable them to see how God is working all over the world as well.

If you are looking for more tools to help you set your sights on New Horizons this year, you may consider the e-book organizer at www.lifeasmom.com or the children's responsibility chart at www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com.  God will grant you His wisdom as you seek Him over how to "number your days aright." Psalm 90:12

"Numbering our days aright" in 2012

“Train, Mommy, train!!!” sings out my son nearly every time his shoes and coat are on in preparation to head outside.  He bounds out to the garage as fast as his little legs can carry him to find the little plastic ride on toy which has been passed on to him from his two big sisters.  You’ll rarely find him riding this toy train, however.  Pushing the train down the sidewalk as fast as he can is what this little boy finds exhilarating.  For a while he would push the train up and down the same stretch of sidewalk time after time, only covering one neighborhood block. 

 

This little boy was content to cover the same ground over and over and over again until the day he observed that his sisters were crossing to the other side of the street, making a circuit around the block.  His eyes were now set on new horizons.  He couldn’t settle for the “same old, same old” anymore.  It was time to cross the street and cover some new territory.

As we look back over the year that has passed, I wonder how many of us would say that we’ve been doing a similar thing…covering the same ground over and over and over again.  It’s kind of getting old, but where are the new horizons?

 

In Psalm 90 a prayer of Moses is recorded that is fitting as we seek God for this new set of 365 days ahead of us.  Moses’ prayer reminds us of our accountability before God regarding the use of the time that He gives us.  In verse 12 he makes a request of God saying, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom…May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands (vs. 17).”  Here at the beginning of 2012, following Moses’ example in this prayer would be a great way to seek God for how He would have us spend this gift of days, hours, minutes and seconds that He has given us.

May we long for a heart of wisdom as Moses did.  God always has new horizons for us spiritually, emotionally, physically, and intellectually as we allow Him to make us more like Jesus.  It is impossible to be the person that He created us to be “to glorify and enjoy Him forever” while refusing to cross the street and set our sights on new horizons. Let’s set our sight on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith!!            

Favorite Reads of 2011

If you're a blog reader then like myself, I imagine, you love to find a good book.  Sometimes it seems as though my reading wish list is so long that I could never possibly read all of them, and keep up with the daily demands of life.  Other times it seems like looking for a needle in a haystack.  My problem is that there are many books which seem appealing from the outset, but there are not many that can keep my attention through to the end.  There is usually a lull somewhere or a piece which has to be waded through.  So if you're like me and you're having trouble finding a good book to read at the outset of 2012 here are some of my recommendations in two categories...

Adult Literature


1.   Ephesians written by the Apostle Paul in the New Testament of the Bible

2.  Training Hearts, Teaching Minds by Starr Meade

3.  The Key to Your Child's Heart by Gary Smalley

4.  Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot

5.  The Distant Hours by Kate Morton

Children's Literature

1.  You are Special and You are Mine by Max Lucado in the Wemmicks' series

2.  Mountain Born by Elizabeth Yates

3.  "Crinkleroot's Nature Almanac" by Jim Arnosky

4.  The Giant Killers a Lamplighter's publication

5.  The Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder

With 2012 only hours away, I want to start a 2012 reading list.  So far I've got a rough draft to read (of my husband's 3rd year project), and a copy of the Hobbit that I picked up at the library last week.  I tried to read the Hobbit in 7th or 8th grade and despite reading every word, I couldn't tell you the point of the book for the life of me.  Anyway, I'm going to give it another try.

So...What's on your reading list for 2012?  Where do you get your recommendations for good reads?  What were your favorite reads of 2011?